The turning point that took me into Teacher Training and becoming a Yoga Instructor.
Fast forward to October 2014, the year that started to throw me into a spin of depression and physical pain. My dad became ill. It started as maybe there was a mix up in his medication and spiraled into stage 4 cancer, giving an expectancy of 8 months and within less than 3 months he was gone. What did me in was that I went on vacation when he passed away. The pain and quilt that settled into my body was so heavy that I felt as if times I could not breath. I was the youngest of all my siblings but somehow my dad handed over the handling of his life assets and estate over to me and I was silently suffocating. My siblings were great but I felt so alone, all the time. I felt that once again I could not grieve as there was so much that need to be done. By this time, I was already seriously deep into a daily yoga practice. It was the only thing that kept me balanced and focused on staying centered, healthy and a great reminder to keep moving forward. I would take all this heaviness and throw it out on my mat. Some days were amazing and some days were a complete struggle of balance and tightness. But I found that if I kept going, kept practicing and kept up my healthier eating habits that I was allowing myself to heal. The diet kept my gut in check, the yoga kept my mind in check. The more you practice, the more you start to read your own body and respond accordingly. You can understand that it is ok to cry, to feel pain and sorrow, but you also learn how to release those feelings and keep those spaces in-between open.
I wanted to learn more, to actually study the practice, not just the moving mediation of the practice, but the anatomy side to it, the physical importance of keeping your body in motion…and maybe even a little more of the spiritual side.
“Passion is energy (energy is your VIBE). Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excite you” – Oprah Winfrey
In 2008 I stared the Yoga Teacher training program at my local studio where I was already practicing. The owner, Susan, was so real, kind of raw, no sugar coating what was happening in her own life, that it was almost an invitation to take this as far as I needed to. The studying of the practice, the others that were sharing their own personal experience and their why’s were making me even hungrier knowing that there really was something happening in Yoga, bringing me back to my first experience that Yoga can truly be whatever you need it to be whenever you needed it.
The training program was just what I need to heal, I know that sounds weird. There was a lot of work involved, a lot of learning, understanding and the long weekends but it kept me busy. Just as my daily practice kept me strong and focused during his illness, the training did even more and I grieved through is passing. I know that he would have been super proud to know that I stuck with it, that I found a way to cope with his life, death and my own love and strength that was sort of hiding deep inside that needed to come out. That is what Yoga is doing. It allows things that are so far stuck under layers of hurt, pain and heavy emotions to rise, surrender and release. It makes space for new beginnings, hope, strength and self-love.
Before my dad got sick, mid 2014, he set up a Mediterranean Cruise for me and my sisters. He always wanted to cruise over to Italy where his family is from, Bari to be exact. Obviously, my dad passed away before we got the chance to take that cruise but he did take out trip insurance. Why am telling you this? Some things just line up the way they are supposed to and sometimes until that moment comes, and even sometimes after is passes, you will realize that there is always a path that is laid out in front of us.
My father was cremated at his request and before we buried his ashes, I took a bunch of vials and filled them up with his ashes because no matter where I traveled in the world, he was going to come with him. That was my promise to him. Later that same year I felt a pulling to travel, like a push from my dad to take that trip. My sisters did not want to take the trip without him so I decided that I was going to find a way to make a trip to Bari (with my dad). Just finishing my yoga teacher training, I started looking through retreats and within one-hour I found one. Guess where? Yep, Bari, Italy. Do you have goose bumps yet? I booked my trip with the money from the return of the cruise, packed my bags, my dad ashes, and went on what I consider one of the best experiences in my life. This was supposed to happen and for me it was my dad’s way of encouraging me to stay on the path to where I am now.
Stepping into the studio, teaching, guiding and watching other grow, bloom, heal and rise up is amazing and I so truly honored and grateful to share this with everyone.
